Anyone who has ever decided they want to lose weight has to first understand that food is the biggest piece to the puzzle. Accepting that can be extremely difficult, especially if you’ve developed a relationship with food. For me personally, I love food. I will hang out with a friend and food has to be in the picture, it just has to. I can literally convince myself that ordering food via an app at 1am is a good idea. Growing up, I was always overweight. During my early childhood, food was up there with my love for Barbie. I would cry if my food accidentally fell to ground, despite the fact that there was still more in the kitchen, but my mind was soaring with excitement to consume. Why? Well because I had developed a relationship with food. As you can see, I couldn’t really stay faithful to my own plate. 
Breaking News: You're FAT!
I always felt beautiful and happy in my own skin but things changed once I began middle school. I was constantly bullied by my peers for my size. Everyday became dreadful and of course it inclined me to eat more. When you eat your brain releases a bunch of “feel-good” chemicals such as dopamine, which the brain interprets as pleasure, and man did I love that feeling. Like Edward Cullen from The Twilight Saga Series once said, food was like “my own personal brand of heroine.”
“The older I became the more the excessive eating started to catch up with me and it wasn’t until my five year old cousin said that I was too fat for a beach chair did I finally decide to take action. Unfortunately, by “take action” I mean starve myself.”
The older I became the more the excessive eating started to catch up with me and it wasn’t until my five year old cousin said that I was too fat for a beach chair did I finally decide to take action. Unfortunately, by “take action” I mean starve myself. I completely flipped the script on food and started to see it as an enemy that was ruining my life and the only way to put an end to this was to end the relationship. I began eating one meal a day, one of those “healthy,” flavorless, microwavable TV dinners. I made my parents buy me an indoor bike and I rode that bike till the wheels fell off (yes that was a pun.)
Highschool: Freshman Year vs Senior Year
My body was not use to this type of treatment and the weight just melted off. In just three months I went from 200 pounds to 150 pounds and everyone around me couldn’t believe their eyes. At the time I was in high school and I went from never being noticed to one of the most favored girls in school. The praise made the sacrifice feel worth it and my mind had now developed a new relationship with weight loss. It became another one of my unknown addictions. Although I had lost a lot of weight I still looked in the mirror and saw things that my mind interpreted as disappointment. Now as an adult I realize that I must have developed some level of body dysmorphia. While everyone was celebrating me for my exterior the interior was losing sight on what really matters.
College: Freshman Year vs Senior Year
In college, I began developing a relationship with food again (yes, the freshmen 15 is real) but since I was always having a good time and looking good I did not care. Anyone who has starved himself/herself before, (whether this was for a 30 day shred or a fews months) knows that once you derail from that diet and start to eat more the weight starts to pack on pretty fast. By the time I graduated I was almost 200 pounds again and depressed. Combining the pressures of college with my own internal issues, eating felt like the only escape.
Post Graduation:
After graduating I became fed up with my weight, again. My mind went to work and pulled up the file on “success for weight loss.”
I began to eat once a day but this time it was extremely difficult. I found myself suffering from migraines and unbearable stomach aches. I decided to bump things up to two meals combined with exercise and although the weight was coming off it was moving fairly slow compared to last time. As I’m sure you know, the older you become your body responds differently to certain actions. I started to notice that starving myself came with consequences. My body was low on the necessarily vitamins/nutrients as well as developed stomach issues.
Today:
” The more I focused on myself internally the more I began to look in the mirror and love the woman I saw reflected. A woman that was recognizing her truths and honoring her new path.”
Now I am in my mid twenties and still battling with my weight but this time around I am establishing self-love. When you realize that acceptance and vanity drove your vessel to poor decisions you sit back and reflect on what really matters to you. The more I focused on myself internally the more I began to look in the mirror and love the woman I saw reflected. A woman that was recognizing her truths and honoring her new path.
Everyday is not easy because the mind is a muscle like any other in your body that requires exercise to strengthen but consistency will lead to perseverance. I now eat six times a day, focus on portion control and limit the foods that ultimately do not benefit my health.
Shout out to everyone that has their own weight struggles. Keep aiming to be healthier and stronger rather than skinnier and accepted. You got this!
Hope you received some vitamins from this post✨
Love it, great post!
Thank you for your feedback Mike B!
Great post! Thank you so much for sharing your experience and your insights!
I love sharing my experiences in hopes to enlighten others. Thank you Shantal for your feedback!