Starve the Ego
I want to start off this blog post by first defining ego both the standard and psychoanalytical definitions.
The standard definition of ego is: a person’s sense of self-esteem and/or self-importance. It is broken down into three components: The id, ego, and superego.
The psychoanalytical definition is: the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious. It is responsible for testing reality and providing you with a sense of personal identity. The id is the primitive and instinctual part of the mind that contains sexual and aggressive drives along with hidden memories. The super ego is when the ego now acts as a self-critical conscience, reflecting social standards learned from parents, teachers, peers etc. The ego it self is meant to keep balance between the two.
So if we marry definitions we are left with this: ego is a part of the mind that gathers information both consciously and unconsciously by testing reality (yes, your ego uses you to experiment. . .) to help establish your identity and scale your self-importance/self-esteem. Take a second to process that. Our egos are designed to test our realities to see how they can scale everything around us including ourselves. The more critical it becomes the more you ego leans into the super ego the more primitive you lead you experiences the more it leans toward the id. Essentially the ego itself is not the problem, but rather the imbalance between all parts of the psyche. The issue is that our egos have been conditioned from a young age through our social/personal experiences and as we grow, the data gathered from our egotistical experiments (your sense of identity) become more solidified. This makes the cycle harder to break because of the years of work ego has put in to solidify its seat at the dinner table. Well guess what, the best way to take back your control is to STRAVE it.
I want to be clear we aren’t going to kill the ego, as balance is key, but in order to regain control of the vessel we must starve the ego!
Here are six ways to starve the ego:
1. Challenge the Thoughts
Many times our ego speaks to us right before we do something we really want to do. It comes in like this dark cloud to rain on your parade. Its goal is to remind you whose in charge here. It will kindly/aggressively ask you “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” “You heard that didn’t work out when so and so did it?” “Let’s be real you are not good enough to try that!” The ego can be so cruel, the moment you try to rise up it knocks you down in efforts to stay in control of the ship. Starve the ego by challenging its doubt and accusations.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
I am not sure if it is, but I am willing to try and find out!
“You heard that didn’t work out when so and so did it?”
Well that was them, we are two separate people with separate life experiences so the outcome won’t be the same!
“Let’s be real you are not good enough to try that!”
I am good enough for anything and if I fail, I learn!!
Similar to the movie IT once you face that clown head on without fear, it runs away like the scared b*tch it is. Call the ego out on its bluffs and false illusions.
2. Do the Opposite
When the ego tells you to act like you’re better than others based on its rating scale do the opposite! Be humble because in reality you’re not better than anyone and those are just lies your ego has fed you.
When the ego tells you to not associate with certain people due their race, ethnicity, gender, social class, religious beliefs, sexual orientations do the opposite! If you have no real reason to dislike some then don’t!
You will learn something from venturing beyond the walls your ego has built. These “walls” is how it shields you from seeing the world beyond its constraints in efforts to remain in control. The story of Buddha relates to this idea. Buddha was born into a royal family and his father built walls around their kingdom so Buddha would never see the world for what it was, but rather the nirvana he wanted to create for him. Eventually Buddha finds out that life is not always blissful, but also cruel and dark. He decides to go beyond the walls to face the reality rather than stay and believe the illusions. That is when he not only found himself but became one of the best teachers of leading life with love at the forefront.
3. Be Kind Without Expecting Anything in Return
One thing the ego hates is to feel unappreciated. We won’t do unless we know we will get in return. This is a fallacy.
You always fill your glass when you give and spread kindness without always getting something in return. How Sway? Well, when you give you deepen the connection with your soul which is the most valuable reward. It also shows the universe tremendous growth and you suddenly become blessed in various other ways.
Now-a-days ego makes us hate holding doors for others in fear we won’t hear a thank you, we won’t say good morning to our neighbors because ego tells us they’re a potential enemy and we won’t tell someone we like them in fear they won’t feel the same. So pay attention to how your ego limits your authenticity and your kindness.
4. Lead with Love
If you’re ever feeling stuck on a decision, debating if it’s your ego getting in the way of things ask yourself: are you leading with love? Make your decisions with faith that no matter what things will be ok. Even if things don’t turn out how you expected you are gathering information to help you strengthen yourself for the next opportunity. Having faith is leading with love. Trust that the universe will help you no matter what comes from a decision because nothings worse than making no decision at all in efforts to satisfy the ego.
5. Don’t do ANYTHING. . .
This too shall pass they say and this can be applied to our ego.
Sometimes we must simply accept that our ego will shout at us in efforts to gain control over the situation (f*cking control freak) and like a child throwing a tantrum you have to wait and let it pass. Don’t grab a hold of anything it’s spitting out at you and treat it as if you are watching a tornado pass by from afar.
Silence can be the best weapon.
6. Surround Yourself with Like-Minded People
Your vibe builds your tribe!
The people we surround ourselves with is a reflection of us so choose wisely. Choose those who also understand that the components of our egos are conditioned, require balance and take responsibility to unlearn these beliefs.